Top 10 Tips for Parenting Teens during a Pandemic
Manage your own anxiety through self-care (i.e. nutrition, sleep, exercise, getting outdoors) and model healthy behavior (including checking in with your own feelings, connecting with friends, patience, flexibility, and humor).
Talk to your teen and ask what they know. This one seems simple, but it requires you to turn off all devices, look your child in the eyes, ask open-ended questions (who, what, where, when, why, how), actively listen for their feelings, and allow them to feel seen, heard, and loved by your presence and interest.
Validate your teen’s feelings and concerns through empathy and active, reflective listening. Responding with empathy means listen for their feelings and reflecting back what you hear them saying with statements like “it sounds like you’re feeling...,” “I hear that you feel…,” “what I’m hearing is…” Try to be open-minded, to refrain from judgment, and to normalize their feelings as best you can. To learn more about how to better empathize with your child, check out my previous blog post (link to blog post 1).
Treat your teen as a problem-solving partner. Ask your teen what they already know, be available to address difficult questions in age-appropriate ways, and practice collaborative problem solving. Collaborative problem solving is a brilliant parenting strategy by Dr. Ross Greene, who wrote The Explosive Child, which I highly recommend that all parents read because it will dramatically improve your relationship with your child. It involves a 3 step process of listening and empathizing with your teen’s concerns, sharing your concerns, and enlisting their help in brainstorming solutions.
Provide consistent routines to provide a sense of safety and reassurance to your teen. Encourage them to wake up and go to bed at about the same time every day. Encourage them to do school work somewhere other than their bed. Eat dinner together as a family (if you can). Encourage and model healthy sleep hygiene.
Help your teen find creative ways to maintain friendships and social connections through technology. Feelings of isolation during quarantine and the pandemic are normal. Encourage your teen to stay connected to friends and extended family through technology, writing letters, crafting, and collaborating on projects.
Embrace that technology, and then unplug. Consider limiting screen time before bed - for you, and for your teen - by turning off all devices at least an hour before bed. Charge your phone(s) in another room while you sleep. Make a rule that no phones come to the dinner table to encourage real conversations. Some parents have all kids put their phones in a bowl/box during meals. Most importantly, encourage your teens to be active and play through walking, biking, swimming, hiking, board games, etc.
Allow privacy and alone time, but consider having regular family dinners to provide consistency and connection. Invite your teen to join you for a regular family walk, bike ride, or living room dance party. Know what apps or social media your child is using. Consider creating a technology contract with your child to build transparency, clear expectations, and open communication.
Make space for sadness and disappointment, and watch for signs of anxiety and depression. All feelings are normal and expected reactions to so much change. But watch for these signs of anxiety and depression:
Major change in mood
Loss of interest or motivation
Loss of energy
Anger and irritability
Difficulty concentrating
Withdrawing/isolating from family/friends
Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
Major changes in sleep and/or appetite
Substance use/abuse
Self-harm or suicidal thoughts/actions
If you are concerned about your teen’s mental health, please reach out to a trained therapist. You can search Psychology Today for therapists who specialize with adolescents or call my office, Honolulu Psychology Collective, at (808)260-9893. If I am currently full, they will connect you to another clinician who can support your teen.
10. Tap into teens altruistic nature through virtual volunteering. Check out a list of volunteer ideas here.
